I’m a Registered Nurse in New York and I work in the Radiology department. Before Covid 19 I thought one of the most devastating news a patient could receive was a cancer diagnosis. I often had to hold their hands while a biopsy is performed or pray with them and give a word of encouragement while we wait for a diagnosis.

I remember weeks ago my nursing director came to the radiology department telling the nurse in charge that 2 nurses will have to go to the floor; they needed all hands on deck. I surprised myself by volunteering to go. I now look back on that day and I know it was not me; how could I of myself volunteer to go fight this beast? And with minimal Personal Protective Equipment and a family to go home to.

I attribute that supposed bravery only to Jesus. It must have been a power higher than myself working through me. I keep wondering what has impacted me most during this fight:

• Was it the man admitted to the ER that couldn’t breathe and I literally saved his life; at least that’s what the other nurses say because of how quickly God made me act that day. I’m no hero, I did what any other of my fellow nurses would have done; I was in the right place at the right time.
• Was it the woman who couldn’t breathe and we had to intubate her? We couldn’t calm her down because her husband had died from Covid weeks before. She was so anxious since his death and we tried without success to keep her blood pressure down. Her oxygen saturation got so low we had to intubate. While we waited for a bed to become available in the ICU for her, I had to bag her, meaning, I had to give her oxygen via an ambubag.

All this, while at the same time, we had to call a code blue on the patient just across the hall. Code blue means his heart stopped and we had to start CPR. We didn’t have enough respiratory therapist to respond to all the emergencies; because, while they were in our unit, the ICU called for a respiratory therapist and then acute ER also called for a respiratory therapist, and the Eighth floor was also calling…

Were those the events that impacted me the most, or was it the ones we couldn’t save?

• The room that I walked into that was now empty, but hours before a man laid fighting for his breath. I viewed the aftermath of his death – the bathroom was filthy from relieving himself over and over, (diarrhea). Was he the one that finally broke me?
• Or was it the Caucasian lady who was short of breath. She could barely speak but mustered enough energy to whisper, “ I want to die”. Was that the one that made me cry hard while I sat in my car, barely able to gather myself before going home to my daughter.
• Was it the ones we had to wrap in body bags and send to the morgue; the ones who died without their families.

I wonder how many dead bodies it will take for me to realize that this thing is real, it’s happening. I feel like I’m in a daze but maybe that’s God’s way of protecting me from the reality of it all; because no human was built to endure such death and chaos.

12,000 and counting in New York State.

As I reflect on the events of the past few weeks I conclude that nursing is not just an occupation, it’s a calling. And those of us who have answered that call have been blessed to be in the service of saving lives. Now more than ever before, I serve with the understanding that like David in Psalm 18 Vs 35-36 “He has also given me the shield of his salvation, his right hand upholds me and his gentleness has made me great, he enlarged my steps under me and my feet did not slip”.

Nothing else matters in this life but giving your life in service to Jesus Christ. He’s constant, he will not suffer my foot to be moved and he absolutely never fails .

Written by a nurse in the state of New York who wishes to remain anonymous. As always we thank all our healthcare workers who are fighting for us all during this pandemic. And fighting in situations that leaves a lot to be desired. We pray not only for protection over their physical health but also their mental and emotional well being (also their families) as they work to save lives.

TRULY THEY ARE THE SUPER-HEROES

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