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Are we ready to be driven women, flourishing in our God-given capacity to influence and create amazing change in the way we were created to do? Okay, then here is where we begin. We must renew our mindset and push past comparison. We must stop being in a place of WISHING AND HOPING; and move into a space where we are amazing women thriving, and having it all. Because we can.

There are too many examples of women who have not allowed the status quo and nuances of men, the system etc. to hold them back. Instead they spoke out, tapped into their creative intellect, used their voices and went deep diving for the tools that they were divinely equipped with; to create and effect the changes that some of us benefit from today. Driven women who have experienced that word no or were closed out of situations; then decided to not allow the “no” neither the closed door to become a stumbling block. Driven women who faced a system that went against them and triumphed anyway. Too many examples for us to sit back and decide that we do not have the ability nor the capacity and then allow our fire to slowly die.

I want to share that we are no different from the other driven women who have paved the way before us; the difference is in our actions and the self-work that we are prepared to do and will do. There are simple steps that we can take to become more resolute in our dreams and in our goals. It starts with us becoming aware of ourselves; our triggers, what renders us unable to move when we need to. What causes us to become anxious and therefore unable to think clearly resulting in us unable to move towards our goals. And so we must now examine ourselves and discover our nuances that prevent us from being our best. A big lesson that comes with humility when we face the man in the mirror – woman in our case; then begin to build from there.

Here are 6 things we must eliminate to become driven women who are living our best.

Explaining Ourselves – Guilty!!!! I will be the first to put my hand up because I am the one who feel a need to justify and overexplain decisions I make. I have come to realize through research that it’s a woman thing; perhaps because of wanting others to feel better. Unfortunately some of us do ourselves harm when we cannot voice a statement or ask a question without adding the why’s and how’s. Read the following example that I came across in my reading.

“A few months ago, I asked my boss for a raise. Instead of just letting the amount I wanted hang in the air without apology, I added unnecessary parentheticals like “unless that sounds like too much”. And even as my boss grew quiet and all my unnecessary words piled up around us—leaving very little room for either of us to breathe, let alone talk—I found myself throwing even-less-good words after bad ones.

The whole phone call started to feel like an extended out-of-body experience. And then I heard myself saying: “I just don’t want my pay to be so high that someone will look at the amount I’m making a year from now and say, ‘Jesus, why are we paying this idiot so much?'” … in struggling to be completely understood, I’d rendered myself less comprehensible. By throwing out more and more words, I was digging myself into deeper and deeper holes. Instead of standing up for what I wanted, I was treating my listeners like a diary; thinking that would somehow excuse the audacity of me believing that I deserved more.

https://www.marieclaire.com/career-advice/a20775/women-overexplaining-apologizing/

We must get comfortable with saying how we feel without the need to explain. I find that even with my children, I will tell them to do something that should be second nature, but then find myself explaining why…seriously! This need to explain and put things in context/justify must stop. It makes us less credible, less in control and less a leader bottom line. Get use to one liners and you will definitely be on your way. You know what you are about!

Keeping Quiet – Research shows that in Boardrooms men do 75% of the talking. A staggering and intimidating statistics if you ask me. I know it is a struggle for us women but if history has shown us one thing; it is, that when we keep our mouths shut we end up hurting ourselves. Women who speak up for themselves are often labeled in some of the worst ways. One of which is that word that triggers the type of emotion that will allow the not so strong of us to keep quiet.

I am referring to the word DIFFICULT. Well, I have learnt how to flourish in my “difficultness”; because I know my worth and the value that I bring to the table. I also understand that if I am in the room at the table, it simple means that I have earned a right to be there; to be heard and so, why would I keep quiet? Think about it the next time you are labelled as difficult – know that it is because of your strength. Shine in your strength. One of the ways women can move beyond this matter of wanting to keep quiet is to inform ourselves – get the knowledge that facilitates confidence. The more informed we are the more confident we will be to speak out on issues that we can influence. Do your homework, BE PREPARED.

Not buying the shoes – ‘Dahlings’ listen to me when I tell you to go buy the damn shoes. How many times, especially if we are mothers have we sacrificed our simple pleasures for the kids? By the way, the shoes represent that item of clothing, jewelry, the actual shoes, the day at the spa or anything else that brings you joy. What do we do most times? We begin to think about the budget or the kid’s need. I did that so much until I had enough; now I make sure that if there is something I need, I go get it once its not a frivolous spend. Here we go again lol.

Enough of the sacrifice.- leading from the previous point – You are important too… now, understand – everything in proper context. I once read that ‘sacrifice is in our blood’; it’s our innate nature as women i.e. and I have seen this played out so many times. What I am saying in this instance runs deeper than the material things. We sacrifice our dreams and what is usually right for us because our parents didn’t think it made sense. We sacrifice our careers to stay at home and raise the children (yes, women do that in some cultures). And, we sacrifice time that should be spent with our children to stay at work; and we put the things that mean the most to us on the back burner. Where does it lead us? To regret.

To become focused and motivated driven women who are performing optimally and happily; we must assess our situation and correct some of the imbalances so that we do not experience regret.

Also, women who make enormous amounts of sacrifice are celebrated and this should not be. We are actually celebrating and lauding a situation that is dysfunctional (I believe). The dysfunction is that if you ask the woman oftentimes she will say she is unhappy. Our goals and dreams are what makes us who we are. Think about it, when we rob someone of the very thing that makes them complete what is the result? Unhappiness. Enough of the sacrifice.

People pleasing – The very thought of this is exhausting. I now wonder if this is why women complain of being tired lol – just trying to incorporate a light moment. The reality is that many women suffer from this “syndrome” of pleasing others and forgetting self. If you think about it; how can a woman who is driven and going after her goals be in a position to please others and forget herself? Did a lightbulb go off for you just now? It certainly did for me.

… people pleasing is exhibited by a behavioral pattern characterized by compliance and conformity. People pleasing behavior is not an expression of goodwill; it comes from a longing to feel secure. It is a symptom of a generalized fear of abandonment, which usually comes from the relationship we have with our parents and low self-esteem. Often, those of us with lowered self-regard feel the need to receive others’ approval to feel good about ourselves...

https://thriveglobal.com/stories/are-women-pressured-into-unhealthy-people-pleasing/

Is this one of our greatest dilemmas as women, our need for approval from others? Is this one of the things that unknowingly prevents us from reaching our goals, because we are more concerned about how others feel towards us and making sure all is well with others and not with ourselves. How do we make a difference by not wanting to ‘ruffle some feathers’ so to speak? Can you see how being a people pleaser dims our light? We must face our feelings of inferiority (towards ourselves) and not only face, figure out where the lack is and fix it. This can only be done by us, then we must figure out how to feel complete by ourselves in order to move ahead and thrive so we are the bosses of our circumstances. And the best version of ourselves.

At the end of the day we are who we are, but we are also the only one who can feel that spark; that small but sure fire within us that needs to grow into a bonfire. We are the ones who can make that happen, and so we must get intimate with our nuances in order to change the things that are going against us and increase the capacity of that which gives us strength. We must always be in the mode to evolve to a greater woman, and driven women. The one that needs us first and the one that others need.

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