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Coping with a Jolly Jamaican Christmas

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The term “Jamaican Christmas” sparks memories of family gatherings, elaborate church services, home improvement projects and of course delicious Jamaican dishes. However, while some make plans for returning residents, and others troll the aisles for early Christmas deals; there are those who approach this time of year with dread. For some persons this time of year is the devastating reminder of how alone they are, how dysfunctional their family feels and how limited their finances may be.

As store ads and television programming parade get-togethers and family traditions as the center of this festive season; some people experience increased sadness and despair as they ruminate on what is missing in their lives. Christmas can exacerbate feelings of loneliness because there are some who are alone by choice or because of circumstance.

Christmas can also induce intense feelings of anxiety as individuals compare their bank accounts to the growing demands of the season. Persons experience severe pressure as a result of gift buying, attending social events, and home improvement projects. There is also the anxiety associated with the chaos of being around estranged family member;, meeting all the expectations of the season and the crowds associated with the holidays.

The Christmas season is also marked by an increase in depression. There is a “persistent” sadness or “empty” mood, feelings of hopelessness, pessimism, guilt, worthlessness and helplessness” that some will experience. While others are attending events and decorating their homes, depressed persons experience a loss of interest or pleasure in all activities along with a decrease in energy.

If you are experiencing any or all of these feelings there are healthy ways to address these issues. First, understand it is normal to feel lonely. Realize that loneliness results from the need for connectedness and intimacy.

So develop a plan – Plan activities that you would enjoy with friends and others who may also be alone for the holidays. Attend church events, museums, go for walks in the park or host a games night. Perhaps you could skype a friend or family member who is overseas that you have not spoken to in a while.

What if they aren’t available? No problem. Get out of the house and do something interesting or different. Be a tourist and explore your own country or consider taking a solo trip somewhere you have never been. When dealing with loneliness it’s important to note that you don’t need another person in order to go for walks, or go to a concert. It’s also important to identify and isolate the thoughts that occur when you feel anxious about doing things by yourself; and replace these thoughts with a more rational reality.

Going out alone is actually a great way to meet new people. Psychologist Dr. R.L. Leahy says, “Being alone doesn’t mean you have to feel lonely. And feeling lonely doesn’t mean that you have to feel that way indefinitely”. Normalizing this feeling will help reduce an overwhelming sense of pity and can put you in the driver’s seat as you make plans to combat it.

Offset the anxiety of budgeting during this season by setting spending limits for gifts and social gatherings. Avoid buying into the media representation of what Christmas should look like. Give back in time and expertise to charities, family members or neighbours. Lower your expectations and find things to be grateful about. Pace and prioritize by keeping abreast of your schedule, and saying no to some activities. Create space for rest and downtime.

Know that depression is not a figment of your imagination. If you are struggling with intense sadness and hopelessness seek professional help. Avoid buying into the stigma that seeking help makes you weak. Other ways to combat depression includes getting into a routine, setting goals to feel accomplished, exercising and eating healthy.

You may feel like what you are struggling with is unique to you but it’s not. Even the “first Christmas” gathering had difficulties. There was a couple far away from their home and probably estranged from relatives who would have done the math on the due date versus wedding date. There were shepherds who had to go to work, an overcrowded city and an anxious king. Yet, the true joy of Christmas was not overshadowed.

So turn on the tunes, and have a jolly Jamaican Christmas.

Written by Stacy-Ann Smith M.A.
Associate Therapist
Family Life Ministries

This Feature was written prior to the on-going pandemic. Please continue to observe safe practices.

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