Read Time: 5 minutes:

Written by Stacy-Ann Smith

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Overthinking. Are you doing that?

Will I do well enough to get into college? Are my children okay? Why didn’t he call?

Think, think, and more thinking. Genetically predisposed to process information in large sums over a short period of time; women spend hours thinking about myriad issues. It helps us plan events, run households and manage corporations practically simultaneously. It’s a God-given gift that we have.

Unfortunately, this gift can be warped and turned into a crippling vice that makes women suffer from anxiety and unproductivity. This vice has been the source of jokes, marital arguments, and personal frustration. It is experienced by many but identified by few. It is overthinking and it takes on many forms.

Overthinking is constantly berating yourself for a mistake or going through in your mind all the the possible reasons why your significant other didn’t call like they usually do. It is the back and forth in our minds over school choice, career move or retirement options. Hands down, it is captor of our minds and time, keeping us from living in the freedom and peace God provides.

I noticed how debilitating overthinking was when I realized how it was affecting me. And I would shy away from confrontation worried that I might say the wrong things. I would then spend hours harping over what the person said or meant. I would have whole conversations in my head about what I would or should have done. Also a lot of time would be wasted as I evaluated how others in my sphere flourished. I would mull over in my head all the things I could do differently to be as successful or (shamefully) better than women around me.

It became increasingly alarming how many of the women I interacted with also faced this dilemma daily. They would deliberate for hours on end about offences, future hopes, possible failures and missed opportunities. Each person thought it was their own struggle, their personal conundrum that imprisoned their minds. But alas it wasn’t.  In a study of over 46,000 brain scans it was found that women’s brains are significantly more active than men (Journal of Alzheimer’s Disease). Other research has indicated that this overthinking or rumination occurs more in women than men and peaks in young adulthood. It is the repetitive focus on the “causes or consequences of a problem” that lowers problem solving skills and motivation and elevates anxiety and depression (author Rachel Simmons). In some instances, it can also lead to drug abuse, alcoholism (Nolen-Hoeksema & Zaja Harrell) binge eating and self-criticism.

Women who feel pressure to please others are at a higher risk; because in keeping strong emotions to themselves, they spend more time thinking things instead of saying them.  It causes rehashing of the past or formulating worrying catastrophic predictions about the future.

How do we fix this problem of overthinking?

• First, know you are not in this alone. Countless women struggle with this issue daily and have been able to break the pattern. I can tell you I spent a lot of time just thinking about writing an article on thinking. You are not alone.

• Self-awareness is also paramount. Spot when it’s happening and what triggers it. This crucial step is what helps with overcoming all the issues we face. Knowing you have a problem and identifying what triggers it, provides the well needed platform for evaluation and forward planning. Being aware however is just one link in the chain. It would be futile to be aware and then begin ruminating on you ruminating. Decide to do differently. Engage in active problem solving. Decide.

• Next, intentionally put a pause on the thoughts. Realize that the time you invest in weighing all the options or analysing what was said to you or what you did doesn’t change the situation. Choosing to disengage from the merry go round in your mind will only help give you time to be in the moment and naturally come to a conclusion. Mentally picture a stop sign or tell yourself to stop out loud.  

In many client sessions I help them name the irrational thoughts in their mind. Why? Because thoughts affect feeling which affects behavior. Clients then identify how these thoughts which many times are catastrophic, all or nothing generalizations will lead to feelings about themselves or others that are problematic and negative. Many of them who do the work realize that changing their thoughts about an event could have tremendous effect on their mood and corresponding behavior.

While this theory is based on work done by psychologist Albert Ellis and other cognitive therapists this is rooted and based in the Word. In Isaiah we are told to keep our mind stayed on God and in that we will have perfect peace (Isaiah 26:2). Paul tell us in Colossians that we are to, “set out minds on things above” (Colossians 3:2). In Philippians we are given the antidote or the alternative thought list; things that are true, praiseworthy, of good report, all of which will elevate our mood and bring joy (Philippian 4:8).

So instead of spending time thinking of all the bad, negative, the what-ifs which can cause us to spiral we replace it with scripture and truth which will affect our emotions and influence our behavior positively.

I recently went to a gathering for mentors and their mentees and the speaker took us through the story of Abigail and how her quick decision caused her to problem solve and save her family. Had she spent the time mulling over her feelings towards her husband’s decision, or second guessed her ability to make a change since she was a woman in a time when women were at best a little more than property, her family would have been destroyed. There is beauty in counsel and process but, some of the things we are mulling over in our head like business decisions, mending broken relationships or ending a toxic friendship are things that we just need to do. Stop second guessing yourself and step out and just act.

The opposite of rumination is action.

Exercise instead of wishing you looked like her.

Have the hard discussion with the friend instead of brewing on an offense.

Pick up the Bible and read if your desire is to grow in the Lord.

Replace the thoughts with scripture.

Activate.

Understand that there is need for reflection and processing. Schedule time to reflect on life however try to not have it go past that. Go from overthinking to doing. Take action.

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