The year was 2004, I was at the prime age of 17 years with raging hormones. I was desperate to start dating and exploring the possibility of finding the one I could call my own, to commit to and start a family. I remembered one night as I laid on the couch of my childhood home, I poured out my heart to the Lord, telling him in explicit detail the description of my future husband. I remember asking for the prospect to be taller than I am with a muscular built, handsome, ambitious and loves God more than he would love me. Having prayed that prayer (and now in retrospect) I knew that my high school sweetheart whom I had pledged my undying love for and whom I was certain would be the man I would marry someday, did not fit the criteria. He was also not the prime candidate to ask my father for my hand in marriage. Finishing my prayer, I proceeded with life as usual. This time there was heightened anticipation for the manifestation of an answered prayer.
I was very active in my local church. I was a part of the youth choir, dance group, sign language group, public relations ministry, youth ministry, etc. I grew up in the church, and my whole life centered around God and church. The cycle, my cycle—home, school, and church. There was no break in that cycle as additional recreation was either church-related or enjoyed with parental supervision. My parents were devout Christians who had dedicated themselves to serving God and doing His work, and I don’t think I had a choice but to pattern this way of life. I seethed with envy of schoolmates who had the liberty to go to school fetes, movie dates, and football matches, while I was restrained and restricted to the sheltered life of the Christian child growing up in a Christian home. I do believe someone reading this blog can relate while silently uttering “Oh yes, I can relate”. As I matured, I realized that my despising and rebelling against my parent’s choices and desires for me then did not profit me well in the long run. It was their way of protecting and shielding me from the errors of their past. And wanting the best for me as any good parent would. My immature 16-year-old brain could not process this, as all I wanted was to experience a life of youthful exuberance.
So, it was Saturday, and my Saturdays were famous for dance practice at the church’s auditorium with the Striving Warriors. While we rehearsed, a planning meeting with parish and local youth directors was in session for our upcoming Youth Retreat. Both activities concluded simultaneously, and we (the dance group) got invited to join in the closing prayer. As I positioned myself and took the hand of my neighbor, my eyes connected with a tall, dark, muscular masterpiece. He was in a crisp white Hanes t-shirt, blue jeans, and a sleek pair of Nike Shocks. I was mesmerized and lost in a trance, not fuelled by the Spirit but by the delightful picture that stood statuesque before me. The prayer happened, and to this day, I cannot recall if I had said a word. What I knew for sure was that a prayer prayed the previous day was being answered. I didn’t exchange words with my encounter, but I secured the experience in my heart and left it there.
Weeks had passed, and I am sure I had forgotten about the encounter, but fate would have it that our paths would cross again briefly. It was fleeting but lasting long enough for me to once again etch the silhouette of his personality in the confines of my memory. He stood at the driver’s window of my Youth Director’s car. They exchanged courtesies as I entered the premises of the venue where a benefit concert was being hosted by a church brother. I remembered his face, but I still didn’t know his name.
That moment elapsed, and so did time until we exited the buses that transported us to the Moneague Teacher’s College, where our Youth Retreat was being hosted for the weekend. I completed my registration and headed to the pathway that led me to the holding area for our bags. There he was, my treasured encounter walking in my direction. I beheld him again with the same fascination that overtook me that Saturday. I was so enamored by his presence, then I smiled, and he smiled, and we exchanged greetings.
That night as I laid in my dorm room with a million thoughts racing through my mind. I could not get my encounter out of my mind, and I could not shake him from my spirit. My fascination had now transcended lust and infatuation, I was keen on confirming if this was my answered prayer. Again, the next day I glimpsed my encounter standing under a tree, lost in thought. My heart leaped, and I quietly celebrated the opportunity to go over and ask him if he was ok. I did, and he smiled at me again and assured me he was fine and was just meditating.
Saturdays at Retreat were days to have quiet time with the Lord outside of the corporate gathering. I love nature, and so I decided to enjoy the property while I conversed with the Lord. I spoke to Him about a lot, but in particular, I reminded Him of my prayer. I asked Him to confirm if all my encounters were the answer to that prayer. I got up from the large rock where I sat and proceeded to the dining hall because it was supper time. As soon as I got to the corridor, I saw my encounter, sitting under the tree with a friend, and he motioned for me to join them. I tempered my glee and held my composure as any gracious lady should in moments like these. Our conversation was easy, and we transitioned effortlessly from one topic to the next; it felt like time could never end. It was at that moment that the mystery ended, I was introduced to Philbert Baldwin Ward Jr. I felt the confirmation in my heart——my prayer was answered. He was The One! He measured up to every declaration I made and everything I anticipated my future husband to be. And had the qualities of a godly man—ambitious with a vision for his life and was, of course, tall, dark, and handsome.
You may be at the same juncture I was, wanting a companion but being uncertain about who that match should be. We are often cultured to believe that the perfect companion is beautifully packaged and waiting to be hand-delivered from heaven. Far from the truth, and if this belief is your conviction, then you may be waiting until eternity ends. There are standards outlined in the Word of God that your prospective partner should meet. You assess your prospective partner during the dating period against these standards to determine if this is the choice you will make. To love someone and marry them is a choice, and it’s not God’s choice, it’s your choice, but God gives you the standard for you to make the right choice.
When God created man, he also created for him a helpmate because he declared that it was not good for man to be alone. God knew that man’s ultimate purpose could not come to fruition as a loner, and so God created the counterpart to a man who could incubate, nurture and give birth to divine purpose. When Adam encountered Eve, he got the revelation of who she was and her purpose in his life. Adam understood that Eve who came from his flesh was intricately connected to him in body and spirit to fulfill God’s purpose in the earth. They received the mandate to be fruitful and multiply and have dominion over the earth. They were created equal yet with different roles and responsibilities to achieve the same purpose.
When searching for a life partner, it should not be another goal to attain. It should not be the solution to burning flesh. And it should not be the need to meet the status quo requirements. You must evaluate the purpose that needs fulfilling before entering this covenant of marriage.
Let me assure you, at the time of praying, I had yet to acquire the knowledge I now have regarding marriage. But, over the past 14 years, we were schooled, and we are still grasping the formula.
Written by: Sheriann A. Ward
