Now given my personality and approach to life, conflict is something I generally avoid. But have you ever noticed that often it’s the very thing you are trying to avoid that you wind up coming face to face with.
In Yoga, whenever you want to get deeper into a pose, you apply pressure, we call this “challenging the pose”. True to life, sometimes the only way to get past discomfort is to push through it.
I dedicated 2020 to grace, gratitude, and growth. Doing this required expansion, I recognised I would have to expand my reasoning ability, and even more, I would have to expand my capacity to love.
I can’t say that I have mastered dealing with conflict. The journey has not been linear.
Somedays, I have handled conflict with wisdom and empathy. But there were some days I retaliated, reacting rather than responding.
However, I have given myself enough grace to deal with my flips and slips. Conflict is a normal part of life, and our response to it determines how much growth we experience.
Here is what I’m grateful to have learned about peacefully dealing with conflict so far:
Unresolved conflict is a kleptomaniac.
Any negative issue concerning yourself or others is better dealt with. If it remains unaddressed, it can rob you of your time, your peace of mind, your creativity, and your health.
Every second spent ruminating on angry, unhealthy thoughts or experiences is a second you could have spent being happy.
Do not let conflict steal your time and opportunities to be happy. Deal with it and move on.
Use words of repair.
Now that you have decided to deal with the conflict you are facing, remember that resolving conflict requires assertive communication.
When you are facing off with the person (s), you need to use kind, clear words.
Angry, condescending language will infuriate the person you’re communicating with, and it would probably make you sound like an asshole.
Adulting means we are too grown for that kind of behaviour, speak your truth clearly, kindly and move on.
Be willing to see things differently.
I do not know about you but 2020 was a shitstorm of a year. The uncertainty of ‘everything’ affected us differently, and during the year, I noticed that sometimes I responded significantly to things of slight consequence.
As soon as I become aware of it, I’d ask myself, how can I see things differently?
The course of miracles makes a wonderful assertion that everything we see has meaning only because we give it one. A chair, a book, a conversation, an energy-efficient (read lazy) coworker, an unfair evaluation system, a crazy ex, and a selfish friend. None of those things matter if we don’t give them any meaning.
And so, whenever I find myself mulling over situations that are negative, I change or remove the meaning in my head. So instead of saying ‘this is so unfair‘ , I say—God sees my capabilities, he knows I can handle a lot more than I think, and he’s preparing me for where he is taking me.
This simple question ‘ how can I see this differently’ has been the preemptor to many miracles in my life.
Written by: Annisha Jones
An ardent believer in living a fearlessly authentic, empowered life, Annisha Jones considers it her life’s mission to help millennials overcome the overwhelm of getting older. Annisha is the creator of the podcast and blog “Five Years to Forty” which is enjoyed by hundreds of listeners and viewers each year. The platform is aimed at providing information and inspiration for millennials interested in creating a fascinating life and the conversations are kept around four pillar topics: health, relationships, careers, and finances. Passionate about personal development and its possibilities, Annisha also provides one on one coaching services and digital courses that help growth-oriented men and women to create a life they are truly in love with.
Keep up with Annisha on Instagram @five.years.to.forty. Peek her weekly episodes on YouTube or listen to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and the Digicel GoLoud app.
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