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First, I must say this is something that I know many women can relate to. It’s funny how much it hurts when a friend becomes, well. no longer a friend. I have heard women compare this emotional hurt to losing loved ones, the pain is that excruciating. What do you do after you have invested so much into a friendship and it all falls to pieces? How do you move on in a new season without that person who you thought would have been with you forever? Ladies we feel your pain and the truth is, life does go on, and seasons do change.

Personal experience:
I remember I had a friendship that I cherished immensely but God was steering me in a new direction. I fought long and hard to hold on to that place of familiarity and comfort but the more I held on the more taxing and difficult it became. I had to come to a realization that you can’t keep together what God is breaking apart. That wound shut me down. I didn’t know if I could find another friend or even if I wanted to. But God sees beyond what we feel or think in the moment and when he intervenes in any relationship it is for his glory and your greater good.
You might be reading this now and wondering if that girlfriend drifting away is a sign that that friendship is at its end, well let’s look into some reasons to support or denounce that claim:

What causes Separation in a friendship? (when it’s of God)

1. Expansion (Genesis 13)
Genesis tells the story of Abraham and Lot, they had been on many journeys together and over time both men grew and acquired much wealth. But this posed a problem because together they outgrew their environment which was evident by the strife among their herdsmen. The result – separation, so they could both flourish independently in their continuous growth and success.

Sometimes there doesn’t have to be strife between you and a person, separation will come just because you need space and room to grow and spread your wings and some friendships limit our expansion. We are so use to sharing a space with someone and so we do not branch out as God intended for us to do. Nothing is wrong with sharing but if it hinders our success, like Abraham and Lot, separation will happen, or strife will happen.

So many women have dimmed their light in friendships because they do not want to overpower or out do their friend, this causes them to stay limited in the shadows and never getting to their full potential. If your girlfriend is one who keeps you just to be a background cheerleader and nothing else, it’s time to separate.

Before any strife surface, separate, do your thing, because you both can succeed?

Vs. 6-9 “And the land was not able to bear them, that they might dwell together: for their substance was great, so that they could not dwell together.  And there was a strife between the herdmen of Abram’s cattle and the herdmen of Lot’s cattle: and the Canaanite and the Perizzite dwelled then in the land. And Abram said unto Lot, Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between me and thee, and between my herdmen and thy herdmen; for we be brethren. Is not the whole land before thee? Separate thyself, I pray thee, from me”

2. Life changes (Marriage/Children)
This is something many can attest to, sometimes changes in a friend’s life will cause separation. It doesn’t mean anyone did either party dirty, it just means that life happened, and persons begin different chapters based on the season of life they are currently in.

If we look at the story of Ruth and Naomi; in the beginning chapters Ruth ‘cleaved’ (Ruth 1:16) to her mother in law because her husband had died and for a while they only had each other. When Naomi found her Boaz we don’t hear much of Ruth and Naomi anymore but of Ruth’s new life with Boaz. She was no longer a widower but now a wife and possible mother. (see book of Ruth). Sometimes life changes will cause interests to change within a friendship and this can lead to separation. As a friend we must understand the need for separation and allow each other to live their life when “life changes” demand it.

3. Destiny Assassination
Another reason why God may cause separation is for our safety. Sometimes friendships become toxic and dangerous to our emotional, psychological, physical, or even spiritual health and God sees things that we don’t see. David and Saul were awfully close in the beginning, they fought together but Saul was overcome with bitterness and jealousy that gave the devil a gateway of self-destruction.

1 Samuel 18:6-9,11 “And it came to pass as they came, when David was returned from the slaughter of the Philistine, that the women came out of all cities of Israel, singing and dancing, to meet king Saul, with tabrets, with joy, and with instruments of music. “And the women answered one another as they played, and said, Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands. And Saul was very wroth, and the saying displeased him; and he said, They have ascribed unto David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed but thousands: and what can he have more but the kingdom? And Saul eyed David from that day and forward” “And Saul cast the javelin; for he said, I will smite David even to the wall with it. And David avoided out of his presence twice.”

Sometimes there are things in a person that you either don’t see or you ignore because you love them, the same exists within a friendship. Don’t feel bad when God separates you when you were too afraid or blinded to end it yourself. In the end, this separation might just have saved your life.

To conclude, there may be various reasons why friendships don’t work out, but through it all know that life goes on, purpose goes on and you will be healed from this hurt one day. God knows why it didn’t work out, try not to dwell on the hurt and get to a place of healing. Click link below to read the final part in this series – part 4.

Read WOMAN CIRCLE: FRIEND OR FOE PART ONE HERE

Read WOMAN CIRCLE: FRIEND OR FOE PART TWO HERE

Read WOMAN CIRCLE – Part 4: No longer girlfriends -What now? HERE

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