I recently had a conversation with a church leader who had been married for over 35 years. I shared some incite about my singleness season. She listened then ended with the statement that, “singleness is not that serious”. She felt that singles have spent way too much time stressing about being married. And yes, marriage is clearly not for everybody but she felt that we should appreciate the advantages of the single life. Hmm…I agreed to some degree.
First of all, singleness is serious! The creator of the universe designed you with a purpose. In that, for some of us, he has strategically prepared someone to help us fulfill that purpose, which means marriage. This is why I say that our time of singleness is vital. You can’t date or marry just anybody and try to get them to follow God’s plan with you. Trust me, I tried that (several times) and it doesn’t work.
Secondly, Paul considers singleness to be a gift. He stated that, “Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways” (1 Corinthians 7:7). Paul further points out that, “I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you’re unmarried, you’re free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I’m trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions.” (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).
Paul’s view of singleness may not be so popular in today’s society. With the pressure of social media to be boo’ed up with someone or the excessive Hallmark love stories, your single season can often feel like a curse, something is extremely wrong with you, or you need to play the catch-up game with your peers. Sometimes, no matter how many times you swipe left or right on the dating sites, you don’t get that necessary fulfillment that you long for. But singleness requires the measure of grace for its fulfillment that must be an anointing upon you. The ability to set yourself apart for a Christian life of singleness, speaks to a special kind of devotion and service.
And, you will be criticized and ridiculed by the “perfect” police for your bad choices in your dating life but don’t get discouraged because learning is part of the growth. Honestly, your singleness may also attract a number of critics who want to rush God’s timing but the Lord specifically calls some people to singleness as a way to help others follow Jesus and grow their ministry. He equips us to be able to handle the “thorn in our flesh”. Ultimately, it is our eternal relationship with Christ that matters.
Furthermore, I often hear people quote Genesis 2:18 where it states, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” Yet, singleness can be circumstantial and it happens to people for a wide variety of reasons like death of a spouse, inability to find a mate, difficult family situations, or medical or financial difficulties. During these times, healing is needed before moving forward. Entering a relationship without mending past wounds can be detrimental to the parties involved.
The season of singleness is not always easy or can be understood by others. It’s normal to be sad, frustrated, or angry about being single. You may not see clear reasons why you aren’t yet married, but there’s reason to hope and believe God is able to keep his promise. God hears every request you make and knows your frustrations. Trust him but while you wait, work on the assignment(s) that He has given you.
