The age-old adage “to thine own self be true” has been and continues to be significantly impactful in every aspect of my life. My name is Dahlia Ann Reid and I am who I am. I make no apologies for being me and loving every fibre of my being….
When I was asked to address the topic of my journey as a “plus size” woman and all that comes with this life – whether or not I’ve ever had self-esteem issues or ever wanted to be ‘smaller’; if I’ve ever experienced discrimination (presumably because of my weight), … my initial reaction was a throaty laugh that lasted for a good couple of seconds. I reread each question and unconsciously started humming Meghan Trainor’s “All about that bass” to myself. I thought “Okay Dahlia Ann, ‘to thine own self be true’ …”, so here goes.
MY JOURNEY….
I must say I’ve always been confident and comfortable in my own skin. My life journey has been filled with experiences and lessons that have reaffirmed my belief in myself and my belief in unconditionally loving me more. This position brought with it acceptance and appreciation for my continued growth and maturity and self-actualization as a young woman.
I’ve not had a journey as a “plus size” woman, and this is simply because I have never labelled nor seen myself as a “plus size” woman. That’s a stereotypical term that society and the retail clothing/fashion industry have coined for their own benefit in their failed attempt to categorize women who are full-figured and voluptuous in body type. Don’t think I’m naïve. I am fully cognizant of the fact that it requires considerably more fabric to adorn these voluptuous proportions, hence the ridiculously higher costs to create the couture for women as well-endowed as I am.
SELF-ESTEEM….
Notwithstanding all this, I’ve never had self-esteem issues with respect to my weight. Growing up I was raised in a family that was loving, nurturing and fiercely protective of preserving and developing my individuality. I was encouraged to read, both by my parents and older siblings and I did so. This helped to develop my awareness of life, my appreciation for different social settings, and my strong perception and acceptance of self that goes beyond looking in the mirror and admiring my distinct beauty; from my big head with healthy and thick kinky-curly hair to my not so tiny feet.
I was never the proverbial short, fat, black, child that didn’t have friends nor anyone to play with. If I didn’t have many friends, it was because I chose not to open my heart, nor energy and personal space to everyone. And so even today when I look at my very small circle of friends which extends to the women in my family, they are all women who are strong in character and spirit. Women whose confidence in who they are allows them to equally and impartially respect and celebrate both themselves and other women around them.
CONFIDENCE…
If I were to attempt to concisely describe myself I would do so in the words of Maya Angelou’s “Phenomenal Woman”…that’s me! Simply because I’ve not allowed anything nor anyone to dim my light that shines so radiantly from within! I have always been confident. Can’t you tell? It is my confidence in who I am that sets me apart from my counterparts in both my professional and social relationships.
It is something I will never apologise for; my confidence oozes from my pores and I embrace it, because it is at the core of who I am. By now, I imagine you’re possibly smirking and saying to yourself “lawd, she full ah herself eeh” or “she’s so full of herself” or worse “she’s so pompous”. My response is “you have to be full of yourself, who’s going to be full of you, for you; the answer is no one”. So if you want to live your life, limiting yourself by what others’ opinions and stereotypical juxtapositions of who they think you are, and who they think you ought to be, then go right ahead because that’s all on you. I’m not sorry. I’m not that lady who needs validation from others or permission to shine my light.
SMALLER…..
Whether secretly or openly, who has never wanted to drop a few pounds? Which woman doesn’t want to be a healthier version of herself? Let me be honest in sharing that I am all in support of losing a few pounds or many pounds if necessary to be healthier. What I won’t do is lose the essence of who I am on the inside by allowing society to dictate that being smaller somehow makes me more accomplished or better as an individual.
There are women who are medically defined as morbidly obese, that have led and continue to lead accomplished, healthy lives, as well as the converse; there are women who are slim-figured with perfect BMI’s (body mass indices) who are plagued with all manner of ailments including depression. In my opinion, work on your inner self, and allow that simplistic beauty to form the basis of your journey to a healthier, happier you.
DISCRIMINATION….
I think songwriter and performing artiste Pink said it best; “society can be just like a pill, instead of making you better, it keeps making you ill!” Surprisingly, my experiences with discrimination have not been because of my weight, but more so, because, of my brain and personality and the unmistakably strong aura that I have been innately blessed with …I thank God daily for spending a little more time on me. This real deal combination when coupled with my complimentary voluptuous figure makes for a woman who is as fiery as she is vivacious and intelligent, with a beautiful aura and an unreserved level of confidence that can sometimes confuse those among us who are accustomed to caustic stereotypes of full-figured women.
I think songwriter and performing artiste Pink said it best; “society can be just like a pill, instead of making you better, it keeps making you ill!” Surprisingly, my experiences with discrimination have not been because of my weight, but more so, because, of my brain and personality and the unmistakably strong aura that I have been innately blessed with …I thank God daily for spending a little more time on me. This real deal combination when coupled with my complimentary voluptuous figure makes for a woman who is as fiery as she is vivacious and intelligent, with a beautiful aura and an unreserved level of confidence that can sometimes confuse those among us who are accustomed to caustic stereotypes of full-figured women.
The discussion would never end if I were to try to address some of the very shameful and unkind stereotypes that have been fuelled by societal norms for decades. I will however share one experience I had years ago.
On a day like many, I was doing my do and walking my walk, in my delicately perfumed, tailored Le Suit, with my well-manicured hands and shoulder-length, healthy and bouncy hair, when I was stopped mid-stride by an older lady of petite proportions and very light complexion, who in all her intellect and wisdom attempted her good deed for the day by complimenting me on all of the above with special attention to how confidently I stood.
Then, as if on second thought, she remarked “You look really nice Miss D, but how you full of it so today? If you stepping so proudly now, imagine if you were a little slimmer? We couldn’t talk to you.” To which I smiled politely and responded “And what makes you think you can speak to me today or any other day for that matter?” And with that I tossed my hair and continued walking.
In this day and age it’s about time we educate ourselves and banish stereotypical generalisations about full-figured individuals from our minds, such as, we are sloppy and unkempt; we are unaccomplished underachievers; we are lazy, indisciplined and habitual delinquents; and, most hurtful of all, that we are more prone to suffering from depression and anxiety disorders. These are all myths. I am comfortable in my skin; the naturally beautiful skin that God blessed me with, and it is sad that many full-figured women are discriminated against for simply being comfortable in their own skin and confident in themselves.
FINALLY ……I won’t reinvent the wheel by claiming to have great words of wisdom to impart because the reality is – your reality is not my reality and vice versa. However, If I were to give forward to other women, whether voluptuous or petite, I would simply say, trust yourself to trust God, to allow his grace and mercy to flow into your life infusing your spirit with that kind of positive energy that you hope to attract from others and in so doing:-“to thine own self be true” because life is too short to live the same day twice, and not enjoy all the simplistic yet beautiful treasures that God has blessed us with.
This featured article appeared in our third Issue of TheBeyondWoman Magazine — written by Dahlia Reid.
